I’ve struggled with this particular attribute and desire my entire life. It’s assisted in breaking my heart, picking my own self apart and drowning in tears from disappointment. It’s currently evolved into plain ol’ people pleasing. Sound familiar?
The need for approval might subconsciously be the norm in a lot of our lives, but being comfortable in who you are and what you decide to do,
regardless of what others think is the very thing that liberates you.
Our need for social connections dates back ages. We leaned on each other for survival, we needed each other to hunt and we ran in groups to live our day to day. Comparison and wanting to belong is evolutionary.
But sometimes this primitive trait can get in the way of our goals, our dreams, our ideas. We may have an amazing idea and before it’s even brainstormed we have boggled our minds down with what others think or how it will be received. The need for approval is a dream killer.
Healing is a journey, and we have to be mindful that we won’t always have it all together. Instead we can rid ourselves of that expectation and apply tools to help us navigate through this thing called life.
Here are few tools that have helped me:
1. Ask yourself - what is it that I really want?
Grab a piece of paper and jot down exactly what you would want, without limitations or worrying about others. You can dream as big as you like. Remember we ARE the creators of our destiny and true creators typically don’t collaborate until they feel the need to.
So take this time for you and see what you come up with. See how far and how wide you imagine yourself. Surprised? I was too.
Read what you wrote and while it may be a little wild process it more realistically in the NOW. What steps can you take to get there? Will you allow others to hold you back?
2. Be mindful.
Whenever you have a decision to make it would be really helpful just to slow down and be mindful. Don’t get anxious but really think things through, notice any thoughts and feelings that arise and own them. Make space for them. The more you become mindful the more confident you become because you have fully processed who you are, what you want and you haven’t been interrupted by outside noise
3. See your higher self...see you. Know you.
Once you examine your goals or dreams, you might notice it still has to do with being of service to others. (Raises hand) that’s okay! Just know that logically
there is no way to be all things to everybody and so liberate yourself from the need to be liked or serve everyone. It isn’t mean or selfish, taking care of you before you take on the role of service ensures that you have the capacity to hold space for others!
I’m currently working and allowing myself to accept that this is a growth opportunity in my journey. I’m committed to using these tools and like you, I’m taking it one step at a time.